Shoebox

I don't want fields of roses and your hand in mine
I'll die alone in a shoebox and everything will be fine

No legacy
No leftovers to reheat while
contemplating the razor

This princess, awake with
bruises on her thighs and black eyes,
too ashamed to face yours
too many promises

A ring of salt around my heart won't turn you to gold

Off and On

Grey smudges
on the screen
flashing circles --
blue and green

I trace the pattern of your languid face
with my fingers
Introverted indifference
covering your eyes, a gentle death

Grey smudges
are not something to depend on --
Like threats and promises

Nothing to mention
Nothing at all

I love you

Remnants

If you died tomorrow
I would send flowers
which probably wouldn't arrive

I'd sweep away
the remnants
and run out of time

Hands around my neck
lowered green eyes

back and forth

i'm building
a pillow fortress
a bridge across
the unforgiving
abyss



a dark and tearful
tunnel



i follow the water
to the pale, white light at the end



and we smile,
no screens separating
the stars in our eyes



two weirdos
clinging desperately
to split hairs

fools on the stairs

bloody memories
clouding my vision
i stumble towards you

variations on a theme

variations on a theme
are all i seem to do

thumping like mad
banging on flesh
to try and get a tune

but nothing sounds like you
what am i to do?

Just A Letter

i want to fuck you out of my memory
but we all know
it does not work that way
you're deep in the recesses
safe from bravado, tears,
and excesses

you're my living end in a shiny red convertible
if death were tall, dark, and impossible --
babe, you'd be ringing

fetish

hardening flesh
rub against the soft
rush of fabric
suited up
boots polished
ready for your orders,
mein herr

Ms. Pitiful

11 O'clock
I played
Otis Redding
for you
on the jukebox

No reply

Message received

it all goes back to the belt

beat me

give me meaning

leave me bleeding

mouth agape

eyes mirroring

pouring wounds

screaming rape

and wishing for more...

Yellow

Golden child clutching your chair




there is no crown for you to wear




and so much to hide behind




cower in shame




product of meticulous planning




origin of much chagrin




unknown origin














bloody your wrists on the sharp shaven ice




there's no more need for




no need to be polite









taste it




taste it




revel in your inner workings




metallic and blunt









impotent wrists/fists




begging for blood




pleading for meaning









pushing chairs away









this is what failure to give notice tastes like




warm iron on a cold winter's day




the black car is waiting




trying to take you away









you can't know what to expect




but expect it to get better









why am i here




why am i here









yellow sun melt these sins away




ease this inborn sin









yellow sun i do not trust you




you take away too easily




is this my own power




to make houses and cars disappear at will









daddy why am i here




why am i here




i disappear into my lap




lean into you, a shifting sex




disgust regret




all men i lean into




turn into you




and so on




and so forth




oh men men men




disgusting shift




this golden unknown sin i am forever paying for




mashing flesh into flesh




half a pump towards nothing




but regret




incest




hurt me hurt me hurt me




fists against the ice




these fish just won't die




they savour the blood




as do i




hurt me hurt me burn me




hang me from your door and call me




when you feel like it




drip it all over




i like how your face never changes




as you watch mine twitch with a pain




most pleasing




climb in




this is where it all began




living recrimination between folds of flesh




chained to a heart and soul unrest




beat me till i'm blind




i don't deserve the rest




it all goes back to the belt









beat me




give me meaning




leave me bleeding




mouth agape




eyes mirroring




pouring wounds




screaming rape




and wishing for more

Old Emotions

Dry and manic
Sleep won't come tonight
selfish tears and kept feelings
all doubt swept under your eyes

there will be no sleep
no weeping
tonight

and I'm doing everything of which you
wouldn't approve
just to prove
how miserable I am

with a heaving heart
and a steady mind

Maybe

I am dragging on your cigarette
Irreparably attached to your dinette set
An expiration date to be met
in a secret
rush
to the door

Cartoon balloon heart
full of sugar and
spite
Might explode on us
any night

Be careful with that knife...

I see your smoke forming in the recesses
of our shared regrets
Icy blue eyes punctuate
implacable dissidence

Distractions
best exacted in
half-formed interests
-- all but keep me
begging at your feet
to be met with
Maybe

We will see...

Retromance

spent fireworks

hair in my mouth

smile on your face

wishes coming true in black and red lace
in another time

O we will know, won't we?
The stars will explode in the sky
O but they don't, do they?
Stars have their moment and then they die

-Nick Cave

Polaris

making dinner plans

with folded hands
and eyes that roll

all the way back to Polaris

where we would drive,

anxious & aimless

just to listen to the Smiths

Behind The Rainbow

I knew her when winter was her cloak
And spring her voice she spoke to me...
--Chris White, "Changes"




I can only find traces of you
-- a tawny, thin strand brushes red across my cheek

Every time I see that same pearly blue
-- a bitter thud

In some alternate universe
We're sitting at that table together
In defiance,
I brush your cheek with my hand

Your lips
push a thin, red smile

Wilderness

I was there for you when you were lonely
I was there when you were sad
I was there when you were bad
Now it's my time of need
-- Stuart Murdoch



charcoal marks across the hearth


we never spent summers
together
sprawled out in the green
grass

so much room,
but no
space
to breathe

I push these ashes around,
telling the same
old stories